Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Pounds To Go

I started a diet today. I've been on a new diet 203,485,382 days in a row now.

I've been overweight since, about age 13? Looking at my parents, I am not sure where I got this fat gene, but I got it, rather, it's got me. Over the years I have been on the soup diet, the cabbage soup diet, the orange diet, the weight watchers diet (3times), the I'm just gonna starve myself diet, the if I only eat a little bit of chocolate I'll be ok diet and the ever famous, I'll start again tomorrow diet. Some have worked but never lasted.

I am currently on the, make it to noon, then pig out diet. I must say, I am enjoying it. I don't even feel like I'm on a diet some days!

When I was in college I weighed, around 180 lbs. I had struggled over the years but have never hit such a number. I made myself a promise, at that time, that I would NEVER see the scale hit 200. So, I became a vegan, exercised until I dropped and lost 50 lbs. I worked at it, hard and it stayed off for years. When it slowly creeped up I was able to take it back down.

When I first met Todd I weighed 128 lbs and I ran 3-5 miles, 4-6 days a week. The gym and I were best buds. I was single, kidless and motivated to be healthy. I ate right and look good (if I do say so myself).

Then the children came along. After Lily, I hired a personal trainer and managed to get almost all of the baby weight off. Then came Alex. I lost 25 lbs in the first 6 week. About 6 months later, I put it all back on. I was teetering close to that dreaded 200 lbs. I fought over the next year or so to get the weight off but it wouldn't stay off for long. When I got pregnant with Nathanael I weighted 194 lbs. During that pregnancy I saw the scale hit 200 and continue on...... The day before I delivered Nathanael the scale read 216. Yikes!

So, here we are....dieting again. Exercising.....ummm, never. I am in a funk and discouraged and eating myself into bad health. I have something wrong with my stomach. Not, the something, a tums can cure. It's the stabbing pain through my chest, feel like I could vomit, something. And what do I do about it?? Well, the $162.00/month prescription is out of the question. The scope, that will add more $$$ to our bazillion dollars of medical bills is out of the question. And apparently, the moderate junk food, no soda, bland food only, diet is out of the question too. So, I eat crap and endure pain on a daily basis, just to fill my face or void, whatever that may be.

I wonder what it is going to take? I pray that God gives me the guidance I need or plainly, kicks me in the right direction before I regret not taking better care of my body.

So, a new diet it is again tomorrow. Wish me luck!



  1. OOOH. Like your new look!!!

    Dieting sucks. Royally sucks. But you can do it. Hang in there. You got this, girl.

  2. I am against dieting! I have also had struggles with my weight for along time. In High School I suffered from eating disorders and then after kids I have went up and down with weight. I lost 50 pounds on Weight Watchers after Wes was born, but put it all back on with Patrick. However about a year ago or so I cam to a realization! I am no longer going to diet! I am gonna eat healthy and exercise because its good for me, not because I want to be skinny! I may never get back into a size 4, but as long as I am healthy, I don't care. I threw out my scale! When I go to the doc for checkups, I won't let her tell me how much I weigh. I don't care! I can't tell you how freeing it is not stressing about my weight anymore!