Thursday, April 30, 2009

It's Over!

I quit! That's all there is to it. I give up on...everything. And NO, I DON'T want to talk about it!
All three kids are fine and healthy:)

signing out...


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Mission Accomplished

So....although I have the flu I had a very productive day. I think the day-time Tylenol Cold medication has something in it that makes me hyper. An hour after ingestion I get a ton of energy. I noticed the same thing yesterday. So, I took advantage of it and started laundry. Since I am too sick to go see my sweet pea, I might as well make the best of it.
After Todd got home I headed out to Babies R Us because apparently we got rid of our change table. I hate to spend money on something that will be used for such a short period of time but I felt like we needed one, so I bought a new change table. I then went to Walmart and used the MOPS gift card (thank you girls!) and bought little canvas baskets to go underneath. I also purchased some other little baby items and of course, a couple very little items for the other kids. Jessie met me at Walmart and helped me pick everything out. She then came back to the house and helped me put the change table together. It took us 1 1/2 hours, LOL! But it is done and all ready for Nathanael. I need to go to Pop's house and get the pack 'n' play and to Verlaine's and get the portacrib. Then we are ready!!! There are a few other items that are at Pop's, like the diaper genie, etc, but they are not essentials. I am so excited for him to come home.
With that being said...he is not doing well with his eating. It doesn't look like he will be home this week afterall. I am disappointed but I know that we can't bring him home like this. So, I patiently wait for God to put it all in place for Nathanael to come home. (btw..happy one month b-day little man!!).
I am going to finish my last load of laundry and off to bed...


Monday, April 27, 2009

Flu Bug

I have the flu. I spent the morning with the kids and the afternoon in bed. As long as I take meds I feel ok. Without meds....hit by a truck! So, the plan is to keep up with the meds and rest. I am not going to see Nathanael while I feel like this, which is disappointing. I am extra disappointed because tomorrow he will be one month old. I will likely not be able to go tomorrow either. Bummer, big bummer!!!
I am going to sign out...


Sunday, April 26, 2009

Obama in Arnold!

I just read a story about how Pres. Obama is going to be in Arnold, MO for a town hall meeting for his 100th day in office. I am not a supporter of Obama....well, I am because he is the president but I mean I probably would not have voted for him....but anyway, I think it is so cool that he will be in Arnold! There is a website where you can request tickets to attend

and I filled it out, I am going to be accepted. They will call if our request is approved.

I really want to write something positive here...I think I said I was going to try to be more positive....but I am starting to think that God is punishing me. I now have whatever cold/flu that is going around. Just as I get the pain of my teeth under control this has to happen. I am miserable and so tired of feeling this way. If I could "throw in the towel" or just quit, I would!!!
Now, on a better note...Nathanael is looking so good. He is still having to be tube fed at some point during the day but he is working hard at taking bottles. I can't ask for anything more. My father-in-law and his girlfriend Geneva agreed to take CPR, which is totally awesome. I will feel much more comfortable if something comes up where, in an emergency or something, I need to leave the baby with them. I can't imagine it will happen but I am glad we are prepared.
Well, I took some cold and flu stuff, am gonna pump and dump and go to bed. I hope Nathanael understands why he will have no milk tomorrow :(. Guilty!!!


Saturday, April 25, 2009

Fun Day With the Family (minus one).

I am enjoying spending the day with Todd, Lily and Alex and feeling very guilty about not being at the hospital. I haven't done much with the kids at home all week. We went to Lily's t-ball game this morning, then to the rec center to watch them swim. The water looked so inviting but I am not allowed to bathe for 4 weeks from discharge (which will be this coming Wed). I think I will take the risk (of scaring people with my body) and get in the pool next week :).
We are currently hanging out, having quiet time, as the kids are absolutely exhausted but refuse to nap. We are watching Disney Cars, for about the hundredth time! Shortly the kids and Todd are going to put up a tire swing in the yard. I think I may make the great escape then.
I think I am having withdrawl from the pain meds. I have had headaches and difficulty sleeping at night. I was awake at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep for over an hour. I only took on vicodin yesterday and NONE today! I hope to feel like myself shortly. My teeth are almost healed. The home remedy kit has come in very handy.
I guess I better get back to the family and back to doing something as typing is making me very sleepy!


Friday, April 24, 2009


Sooooooooooo, they have finally said that Nathanael will be going home SOON!!!!! He has to take bottles around the clock for two days and then he can go home!!!!! YIPPEE!!!!! When we got to the hospital today there was a mom with her little guy in a wagon. They were leaving the NICU, going home. As soon as I got to Nathanael's room I started to cry. Todd looked at me. "What?", he said. I said, I want to take my baby home. And now I get to:):):)!
We took an infant CPR class tonight. We also have to take training for the monitor that he is coming home with. I think talking about discharge with the nurse practitioner and the CPR trainer really hit us that Nathanael coming hime is really going to change our lives! They talked about the fact that all preemies are considered as having chronic lung disease. How they do the first year will determine the amount of problems they could have later in life. If they are able to avoid a lot of infections, colds, ear infections, etc. then they will be considered free of lung disease after two years. They told us to be extra cautious about taking him out in public, etc. I am so excited about him coming home but a little scared about him getting sick. I don't want to be a worried freak for the next year, lol!
So, it's been a great day....I am home early and already in bed. My teeth are feeling better, finally! I only took one pain pill all day! I have lost 27 lbs since Mar 28th:). Nathanael is 35 weeks (and coming home, did I mention that?).
Poor Alex is still sick but with no fever. I have a bit of a cough and had to wear a mask at the hospital but I am sure it will be better tomorrow, once I get some sleep.
Tomorrow is going to be busy...t-ball game, swimming, then naps for the kids and off to the hospital for me, so I better get to sleep asap! G'nite!


A Quiet Moment

I just got in from staying at the hospital all night and everyone is still asleep. I know it won't last long but I can hear the birds singing and feel the cool morning breeze coming in the window. There is no TV on! Oh...I think I heard a toilet flush, LOL!
Anyway, it's so hard to catch up when I miss a day. I will attempt to fill in the blanks from yesterday....
Alex is still sick. He still has a fever. I took him to the drs and he said he just has a cold. If the fever jumps back up or doesn't stop to call him back as he may put Alex on antibiotics. Alex has been so sick that he has been putting himself down for a nap. That's very out of character for him. Poor baby. I hate feeling sick and he can only have so much medication.
Nathanael is doing well. He is waking and rooting about every 3 hours. Sometimes he doesn't wake up and they give him the tube feeding. But overall he is doing well with his feedings. He is now at 47cc every three hours"). And I got to breast feed him a couple days ago. It was great. I went up last night at midnight to see him. I feed him his 12 o'clock bottle but then slept through the next two. I was so tired, I just couldn't wake to feed him. Kinda sad. He deserves better than that. So, I am dealing with some guilt about that. And the nurses probably think, what kind of mother am I?
Lily and I went on a field trip to the zoo yesterday. It was so nice to go out somewhere fun, just my little girl and me:). It's been a while. We took our time, just walking around and riding the train. I didn't want to go home but we both got very tired. I am sore today but it is all worth it!!
Todd and I, well, let's just say, things have been better!
While at the dentist office on Wed, the dental assistant told me that she had a hysterectomy with her last child, as she had a placenta previa and an accreta. Good thing the chair had arms, otherwise I might have fallen on the floor. She said, she hemorraged, was in a coma and ICU for 4 days. She almost died. Then she woke and had no idea what had happened or where her baby was. The nurses said that they lied the baby on her everyday but she didn't remember a thing. When I got to the car I started crying. I think now that it is over, I have been thinking a lot more about what the outcome could've been.
I think about dying more now than I ever have. I worry about crashing my car, etc, all the time. I think about how the kids would be if I wasn't here right now and who would be taking care of Nathanael. It makes me cry everytime.
On a good note, lol...I have found a home remedy for the dry socket. I bought a Rec Cross Toothache Kit at Walgreen's, after I read about it online. It has all the same items the dentist uses when I go to see him. So, no more trips to the dentist. The best part (besides the pain relief) is that I will save myself an hour everyday, not having to go to the dentist!!
Well, I can hear people moving around upstairs. I guess I better get a move on here.....


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Again...same thing!

I am off to the hospital. Today has been so busy that I haven't had time to go yet. I will probably spend the night instead of driving home exhausted.
Main points from the last few days....
-met another women with an accreta. made me cry when I got to the car.
-Alex, still has a fever, day four. went to drs..probably just a cold???
-found home remedy for dry socket, before this, daily trips to the dentist. thank you GOD!
-rekindled an old friendship
-went on a field trip to the zoo with Lily
-breast fed Nathanael, 5 mins, wiped him right out
-milk supply getting a bit better
-need sleep!!!


Too Busy, Too Tired......

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A Busy, Productive Day!

I had a great day today! I slept in...opps, but I needed it. Lily still made it to school in time so no harm done, lol. After dropping Lily off I headed to BSF. I was so excited to return to my bible study. They also had fellowship afterwards. We sat together and talked about what we have gained and how we have been blessed by BSF. I then went to the dreaded dentist. He changed out the medicated pad and I was off to the hospital.
My visit with Nathanael, was great, as usual! I said hello to the nurse, put my milk in the fridge and turned around to a great surprise :). Nathanael was in a little bassinet, like the kind they put full term babies in! I was so pleased. He looked so small, lol! I got a good report from the nurse about his eating. He is alternating bottles with tube feedings and tolerating it very well. While I was visiting, the lactation consultant stopped by to see how I am doing. I asked her about the "mother's milk tea". She said I could try it if I wanted harm in it, for sure. Then the nurse practitioner came in and started talking about what sorts of things will occur when Nathanael goes home, such as he may go home on a monitor, that he will go home on heart medication, how to take his heart rate and how to distinguish between a normal heart rate and one that is above 200, etc. She wrote an order to start breastfeeding. At the 6pm feeding I was able to put Nathanael to breast and he caught right on, lol. It started to tire him out quickly so we switched to the bottle to ensure he got a good feeding. The plan is to feed him, one full feeding by breast tomorrow. I am excited to finally be able to feed my baby, the right way :).
I had to come home right after his feeding because Todd had to go up to his office. He took care of everything all day, so I really couldn't complain.
Now I am hanging out on the couch with the kids. Alex fell asleep at 6pm but is now up with another fever....or should I say still. Todd gave him motrin at 6pm, just before he fell asleep. I don't know if the fever ever broke. Hopefully the kids will go to bed soon. I am tired and really need to get to bed soon. I have two medications that I need to take every 8 hours. No matter how I work it out, I always have to stay up late, wake up early or set an alarm to make sure I take them on time.
So, a little Kai-lan (one of the kid's favs) then bed for all....


Monday, April 20, 2009

Perfect For a Kite

Well, I am trying to get to bed but this is the perfect time to try and catch up with all the emails, etc. I need to start working on thank you cards but I haven't the faintest idea how to thank the people that made all of this possible. I couldn't have made it this far in this journey without all the prayers and support.
Poor Alex is so sick. He woke with a fever that never really broke. He started throwing up somewhere around lunch, I think? Thankfully he had a blanket on his lap, lol. I convinced Todd that he needs to rest all day tomorrow. I have been trying to return to BSF (bible study fellowship) for a couple of weeks now but that requires someone to pamper my baby while I am unavailable. Todd reassured me that he will take very good care of Alex :).
Nathanael had another good day. With Alex being so sick I didn't get a chance to go to the hospital. Todd had a meeting at 5pm and then the evening flew by. I talked to the nurse a couple times. He is doing well with his feedings and is now in a regular bassinet :). It's only a matter of time before he is home. I am trying not to get excited but he could be home in like 2-3 weeks!!! I guess I better dig out the pack n play, etc...
Lily flew her first kite tonight :). The wind was just perfect. Todd and Lily bought a kite after his meeting and then they spent an hour outside trying to catch the wind. Due to the great wind, once the kite was up, it was UP!! I heard a tap on the door and when I went out I saw Lily holding the kite string. She had a huge smile on her face. She was so proud of herself.
I have had some pain relief since my dentist appt. I am hoping for a good night sleep. And on that note....good night. many prayers needed but a couple that are close to my heart are: 1) Lisa Stough. She is 32 weeks and having complications. She has been diagnosed with gestational diabetes and the baby (Josiah) is lying sideways. Please pray!!! 2) Michelle Desroches. A good college friend, trying to get pregnant for wayyyyy toooo looooong! Things are not going well for her right now and she is devastated! Rightfully so! Please pray!!! for another day.....


A Fresh Start

I woke through the night with the most painful mouth ache ever. It hurt all the way up to my ear. It hurt so much I couldn't even cry because that made it hurt worse, lol.
This morning Alex woke with a fever and a cough. I wonder how long before one of my family member is not sick. It started with Alex, moved to Lily, to Todd and back to Alex. At least I haven't gotten it (yet).
I gave Alex some ibuprofen, headed to the dentist to have the medicated pad for the dry socket changed, ate a couple jellos and I am now ready for the day. I noticed the sky looked especially bright on the way to the dentist. There were dark clouds rolling in but they were large and fluffy. It rained for a few seconds on the way to the car but overall, the day is nice. It's windy and a little cool, but fresh feeling.
I am determined to have a good day, with a positive attitude. Lately I have been complaining about everything and I hate feeling like this so, today is going to be a fresh start, emotionally.
Ok, off to enjoy the day.......


Sunday, April 19, 2009

Alex Meets Nathanael

Yesterday was a blur. Today, the same.... busy busy busy... I can't keep up! I went to the dentist yesterday morning because my lower right tooth was throbbing. I have dry socket!!! Of course I do! Have you met me?? I really don't have the best luck. Anyway, the surgeon stuffed some medicated pad into the socket (ouch), and I have to have it changed every 2 days until it feels better. Like I have time for more errands:). Then I grabbed donuts for the rest of the family and headed home. I got everything ready to go to the hospital but decided to lie down for a min. Well, seven hours later I woke up, LOL! Guess I was a little tired, eh? But I was supposed to be at the hospital to feed Nathanael. And I had to get a shower gift. So, I got my butt up and headed out. I got a shower gift and made it to the hospital by 9pm. I was able to feed Nathanael his midnight bottle :). Worth the drive for sure :). I stay until 2am, then headed home.
I woke this morning with mouth pain. I know it will get better, but I need it to be sooner than later. I am really starting to feel sorry for myself and I don't like that feeling, at all. We went to SCBC for church today as Mary was giving a testimony about MOPS, for MOPS Sunday. She talked about the three things that she has learned/gained from MOPS. I was touched that she included my story in her testimony about the power of prayer. I cried through the entire speech. It was so great to see all the MOPS gang too. I found out that a friend of mine, that has been trying for a very long time, is pregnant!! Yippee!!!
After church Lily and I headed to Grace church for Melinda's wedding shower. Although there has been a bit of tension between us, it all meted away as soon as she saw me. She started crying because I came to the shower. She said with everything going on that she figured I wouldn't be able to come. I told her that I wouldn't miss it, and that was the truth. The shower was fun and Lily had a great time.
We came home, grabbed the guys and headed up to the hospital. Alex FINALLY got to meet his baby brother. I snapped more than a few photos. It was so darling to see Alex's face light up. He even got to hold him (with a little help). It was a great night for both brothers. It's so strange to say brothers, lol. Alex was so fascinated with everything in the room. He especially loved Nathanael's bed, lol. Oh, and Nathanael's bed heater was turned off today and so far he has been able to regulate his temp. One step closer to home!!!
I am waiting for my last round of pain meds to kick in so I can go to bed. My mouth hurts so much!!! I will head to the dentist again in the am to get the medicated pad changed. It really helped the first day so I am looking forward to it!
I am beat. Have to upload some new pics so I am out of here.........


Friday, April 17, 2009

Busy, Busy!

The days seem to get busier and busier. I am way behind on phone calls and emails. I can't figure out how to do everything in a 24 hour period. I managed to split my time up between Lily and Alex and the hospital but the house chores, well....the house is a MESS! Oh well, not a huge priority right now.
Nathanael did well taking his bottle again today at noon. He spit up a small amt after the feeding but overall, digested most. He is such a cutie. He had on a little onsie that said Daddy's Champ. He looked so adorable today. He is now up to 4.12 lbs. He is still so tiny and cute...did I mention that already?? :).
I picked the kids up at Todd's office around 5ish. We grabbed movies and snacks, made a quick stop at Target and Walgreen's, then headed home. We attempted to watch Space Buddies. It was painful. Not a good movie, at all!
My mouth hurts, a lot. I woke through the night with a lot of pain. I spoke with the dentist office staff (they called to check in on me) and they said that it is normal to hurt more the second and third day. I hope this is that worst of it. It's quite painful. I am, once again, out of percocet. My doctor called me in a few vicodin. I just want something on hand, just incase.
I am so tired, I drifted off after that last sentence. I have no idea what else I need to write about but I am out of here.

Sweet dreams,

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Big First!

Nathanael took his first bottle today!!! He is finally catching onto this eating thing:). I knew he would...he is related to me, lol! I was able to sit with him and feed him 42ccs :0. That is so huge, compared to what he has been taking. I just checked in with the nurse and she said he tolerated the bottle well. I was concerned that after I left that he would throw it all up. And they changed him back to bolus feeds and he is tolerating them as well :).
I asked the nurse practitioner about possible discharge dates. She said that most babies go home about 2 weeks from the due date, a few up to a month before their due date. I was hoping that she would say most babies go home earlier but I am trying not to set myself up for disappointment.
The next week is a very important time for Nathanael. How he tolerates the bottle will have a lot to do with his discharge. They are also going to try and get him out of his little temperature controlled isolette. I pray he does well with each. I don't want to rush him home but I am having a harder time not being able to hold me around the clock, etc.
Today the nurse told me that she would be right back....and well, he woke up and he was looking towards me. I know he knew I was smell, my voice....whatever, but he knew I was there. He was crying and I just wanted to pick him up and cradle him in my arms. The nurse was gone, what seemed like forever. Some nurses will let me get him out by myself...she is not one of them. So, I have to stand there watching him cry, knowing that he knows I am right there and not helping him. It's not fair, to him, or me :(. But soon enough, he will be home and then I can hold him as much as I want :).
I am starting my second round of reglan for milk production. It's working, sort of. The lactation consultant thinks it's worth giving it another shot. Nathanael has caught up to my supply and more than likely will have to have formula through the night. Big bummer!
My MOPS group surprised me with two bags of baby gifts. There are several different gift cards, baby books, an album, diapers, a journal, lotion, cross earrings, a beautiful card, etc. What an amazing group of women. Some of these women I have only met once or twice...and maybe some, never? Some of these women have become close friends and I feel so blessed.
Tonight was Lily's first t-ball game. It was so cute. My favorite part was when I looked out field, where Lily was playing and there she was sitting in the grass, chewing on her glove, lol. No, just kidding...I loved watching her hit the ball and run to first base. All the kids looked so confused. It was like as soon as they hit the ball their turn was over, lol. Kids are great!! Then we went to Steak n Shake for the yummiest shake!
Lily and Alex are so precious these days. Amazing how in love I am with them. I missed them so much and will never again, take being home with them, for granted again.
I have been up late too many nights in a row. I need to get to the hospital in time to give Nathanael his bottle tomorrow, so I better sign off.
Oh, and my mouth hurts a bit more today but nothing I can't handle!


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Is Spring Here??

Today was absolutely beautiful!!! After I hung out on the couch for a bit this morning, I was pretty confident that getting up and doing a few things would be ok. I headed outside to get the mail and decided that there was no way I was staying in all day, and neither were the kids. So, with mouth full of gauze, we headed out front. The kids played soccer, t-ball, rode their bikes, we had a picnic....just enjoyed the awesome weather. Then since I couldn't eat anything solid, I HAD to have Dairy Queen :).
I made it through the day with very little pain medication and the bleeding stopped after the first few hours. I am bummed out that I need to dump my milk today due to the pain meds given during the procedure but it was something I had to do. I am going to sleep, sitting up on the couch. Apparently lying down causes pain and I would like to avoid it, if I can :).
Tonight I picked up some pictures I had printed for me mom, and grabbed a few groceries. As each day goes on life seems more normal. And soon, Nathanael will be home and we can start our new life, as a complete family. I can't wait!!!
Off to relax....and I think I hear Lily crying :(.

I am a little behind. We have had a couple busy days.
First of all.....Nathanael, is doing great. He no longer has any type of IV:). He is doing really well with his feedings.....thata boy!!! He is still looking a little glowy but they are not treating it. I have been able to spend a lot of time holding him. He is so darn cute :). I am able to take his temp and change his diapers and clothes. It feels more real everyday. At first, it felt like I was just watching someone else's baby. He finally feels like mine :).
I am not getting great results from the reglan. A couple more days and I will run out of pills. I am going to continue to pump and give him as much as I can, as long as I can. He will likely end up on formula in the next few :(.
I had my incision check with my OB on Monday. He thinks I am recovering well. He snipped the stitches that were coming out of the wounds from the central line. He said that the rest of the stitches will work their way out over time. He explained how my incision with change over time. Basically, everything he told me was good news. He said total recovery will be about 6 months. I am hoping once I start exercising that I will feel more like myself, quickly.
Yesterday was a busy day. I took Lily to the dr's then to Toys R Us to spend her Easter money. Then, I dropped Lily off and picked up Alex. He and I went to Walmart, to spend his Easter money. This was the first day driving and running errands. It completely wiped me out! I had a quick, interrupted nap and headed up to see Nathanael. I started feeling sick at the hospital. I think it was what I ate for dinner, so the visit was, unfortunately quick.
I had my wisdom teeth pulled this morning. So far, I am feeling numb and a little unsteady. I took a couple percocet when I got home. It's interesting, trying to swallow when you can't feel your mouth. I am vegging on the couch, with ice packs on my face. I hope to just take it easy today and feel as little pain as possible. To be honest, my perception of pain is very different. Pain would have to be immense for me to complain, ever again!! Well, I am gonna sign off and relax.


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter!!!

Yeah!!! Happy Easter. Thank you Jesus for dying for us (who know you), so that we may live eternally :)!!!
Today was busy and tiring but great! We got up and well, the Easter bunny had come and brought the kids a couple toys and a handful of clothes. They got a soccer net, cars, a pony and a couple books. The soccer net was a big hit! Way to go bunny!! Then we got ready and headed out to church. The message was great, well, what I heard of it, lol. The kids sat with us. Lily has shown a great interest in how salvation works. I thought she would enjoy the message but she is sick. She caught Alex's cold and she is coughing and snotting everywhere. Poor girl :(.
Next we grabbed a quick lunch and headed up to see the baby. Nathanael looked great :). He is a little "bright"...yellowish but they are not concerned as he is eating and pooping well. I got to hold him for a long time. He had his eyes open for about 15 mins and I swear, looked right into my eyes. He even looked like he was rooting. When I asked the nurse about rooting she said they usually start doing that around 35 weeks. Then he did it while she was there and she offered him a pacifier. He took right to it and she said, yep, he's rooting alright. That's great!! I couldn't stay as long as I would like because Todd was watching both sick kids out in the waiting room area. After a couple hours, they are done! So, we headed out, grabbed McDonald's for Easter dinner, LOL, and headed home. I am so glad the kids are too young to know what is supposed to happen today, lol!
We hunted eggs over and over and over tonight. I love watching the kids do things they enjoy. I wish I had half their energy. Lily and Todd went to bed, as Lily is really sick, fever and all. Alex and I are still hanging out. He had a very late four hour nap.
I have only had one percocet today!! My pain has been pretty manageable just on ibuprofen. What an improvement from last weekend.
I just spoke with Nathanael's nurse. His PICC line clotted so they pulled it. He now has regular fluids, instead of TPN, running through a peripheral line. I am interested to see how they handle that tomorrow.
Well, Alex is looking like he could head to bed and I am so beat...... G'nite all!


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Awaiting the Bunny!

The day started with pain and I was miserable. I had a terrible sleep thanks to an unexpected guest that was sleeping very soundly in my spot when I came to bed. Lily was so tired that she stuck next to me all night. I didn't want to get out of bed, or pump or anything! But we had a whole day planned so I dragged myself out of bed. Everyone was all ready to go out except me. I got in the shower and suddenly felt very sick. I thought I was going to throw up or pass out or both. Todd helped me back to bed. The kids went to Pop's and Todd did the much needed Easter shopping. I woke a couple hours later, still feeling off but not as sick. I spent most of the day lying around. No trip to see Nathanael :(. Two days without seeing him and it's killing me!!!
While hanging out on the couch I noticed that I have stitches coming out of both wounds on my chest!!!!! What is that all about? I will have to draw that to my OB's attention at my appt on Monday. I really hope it does not need to be messed with. But at the same time....why are there stitches hanging out of my skin??
I received a package from my mom for Nathanael and I. She sent a bunch of new preemie outfits for Nathanael. And, to my surprise, a couple nighties for me :).
The evening was a lot of fun, dying eggs and getting the baskets ready with Lily and Alex. The kids are so much fun. They made sure Nathanael got some of the eggs that they dyed :). Very cute!
Well, the bunny has to get up later, so it's off to bed.....


Friday, April 10, 2009

Where, Oh Where is the Floor??

Ok, I kid you not.....if you are absent from the home for any length of time.....DO NOT LOOK IN THE PLAYROOM!!!!! The playroom looked like someone stood at the doorway and threw buckets of toys, paper, crunched up chips, dried playdoh, broken crayons and a few dead bugs all over the room. Wow!!! What a mess. I couldn't see any of the floor and had to move things to get one foot in the room! It is evident that the last time anyone picked up a thing in there is the last time I did it! Well, an hour or so later, the room is now presentable and no one is allowed in EVER AGAIN, lol!
The kids and I had a great morning as we had our first post-hospital outing. We went to Mary's for a MOPS playdate. The kids played and hunted eggs and the mom's nibbled on a wonderful breakfast casserole and chatted. It was really nice to see everyone and be a part of something "normal". What a wonderful group of loving women!!
I know I have been in hospital for a while but I think I saw them talking about pirates on the news??? Pirates?? Do they really exist??
Todd took the kids up to the office when we returned from the playdate and I got a long nap. They returned around 7ish which meant no trip to the hospital :(. The nurses assured us that Nathanael is having another good day. He is still not eating as well as they would like but he did digest part of each feeding :). Progress!!! We are going to drop the kids off at Pop's tomorrow so we can get some Easter shopping done, then head up to the hospital. I can't wait to see my Nathanael. He is such a cutie.
All is quiet. Kids are asleep and Todd is watching TV in the basement. I am going to lie back and watch Jay Leno. I got hooked while in hospital, lol. Good night.


Thursday, April 9, 2009

Eat Baby, Eat!!!

Nathanael's only issue at this point is his eating. He is still having trouble digesting his feedings. They changed his feedings to 4cc/hr continuous, instead of boluses every 3 hrs. The nurse I talked to tonight seemed to think that he is tolerating the continuous feed better. Only time will tell:).
I got a nice long visit with Nathanael today :). Todd dropped me off after we dropped the kids off at preschool. He opened his eyes for a few mins and I got some pretty good pictures. Tracie from FBCA came for a visit as well. It was nice to have the company. While she was visiting, Andy Benes, from the St. Louis Cardinals, came by. Nathanael and I got our picture taken with him and he signed a couple baseball cards. I have to be honest, I have no idea who he is, LOL, but it will be cool to show Nathanael when he can appreciate it.
My milk is still really low. Only one or two more days until the medication takes full effect. I remain hopeful!
Tonight, the rest of the family and I went to Target, to grab a few Easter items. I love doing simple things with them. I missed being home sooo much! Tomorrow we have an egg hunt at Mary's. The kids are excited (and so am I), to get out and do something fun.
What a great day!


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I am sad, as I get ready for bed, that I didn't get to see Nathanael today :(. Todd had to work all day, then Lily had t-ball practice tonight. But...tomorrow I will get to spend at least half the day at the hospital. The nurse I talked to said that he is doing well. They took him off of oxygen completely and he is tolerating room air well. They upped his feedings to 10cc/3hrs. He had some residual with two feedings today. I hope they go better through the night.
I made an appt to have my wisdom teeth pulled. I have to clear the anaesthesia with my OB first. I will be having at least one tooth pulled next Wed. Oh, I hope the pain is not too bad!
The kids and I just hung out at the house today. Kinda hard to do anything else when you can't drive, LOL! The package my parents send for Easter arrived today. It was a nice treat for them They love getting any kind of mail but packages with toys are always the best :).
Well, I am going to try and settle.


Tuesday, April 7, 2009


I went up to the hospital right after we dropped Lily off at preschool. Nathanael had had a wonderful night. NO SVTs!!! He had a couple episodes of bradycardia but they reassured me that it's just a preemie thing. The nurse took the feeding tube out for a break because he has the PICC line. She also mentioned that he can now wear clothes. She found him a little sleeper to wear. He looked soooooo cute :). It made him look healthier :). Then I got to hold him for an hour. The lactation consultant stopped by to chat and she wrote an order for skin to skin. So, after lunch I got to hold his naked little body against my bare chest for about 20 mins. How awesome!!! Just as I was leaving, the nurse had put the feeding tube back down and gave him a 5cc feeding. I am excited to hear whether he digested it or not. The entire time I visited he, again, had NO SVTs. A couple of episodes of bradycardia. Often his heart rate would come up on it's own, within seconds, without any intervention.
I saw the dentist and he referred me to an oral surgeon. I called and they can't see me for 2 weeks. I called a couple others but they were closed for the day. Hopefully I can get in to see one of them sooner. Two weeks is way too long. Pain is quite severe at times.
So, I would say that this is the best day Nathanael has had in a long time:). I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings :).


Monday, April 6, 2009

Problem Solving

Today was a day of working things out so my life seems more manageable. I got a refill on my pain meds, got a prescription for reglan, to help with milk production, made a dentist appt, managed to go to the hospital to see Nathanael and spend the entire day with Lily and Alex!!
Nathanael had a lot less episodes of SVTs today but now several episodes of bradycardia. At least bradycardia is a more normal thing for a preemie to do. He was not tolerating his feedings so they put a PICC line in. Poor baby :(. I got a nice long visit with him tonight. I even got to change his diaper :). Simple pleasures! I'll take 'em!!!
I am getting a sore throat...hoping it's gone by the morning. I was planning to spend most of the day at the hospital. The plans will change according to my symptoms.
Well, it is late and I am very tired. Off to beddy-bye!


Sunday, April 5, 2009

Todd came home early, showered and we all headed out to the hospital. Nathanael had several runs of SVT through the night, some lasting a long time (up to 25 mins). He did ok with his feeding though.
When we arrived Todd and I split up. I took Lily with me, back to see Nathanael. Alex had to hang out with Todd in the waiting area because he has a cough. The nurse told me that he had several more bouts of SVT. This time his O2 sats were affected a couple of times. He also had some runs of arrhythmias. Lily and I hung out and played Go Fish for a couple hours. Todd took a turn with Lily while I hung out with Alex.
Alex suddenly got tired and flushed. We all went to the cafe for a quick drink. Alex fell right asleep and I noted his forehead got hotter and hotter. Within 30 mins or so Alex was red and sweating. So, one more quick visit, to see goodbye for the day and we all headed home.
A quick call to the nurse just now....Nathanael did not tolerate any feedings since noon. If he doesn't start eating soon they are going to have to put in a PICC line or peripheral IV, which will suck for him, big time. He continues to have runs of SVT despite his digoxin level being therapeutic.
I have a horrible tooth ache and am still sore from the surgery. I am running out of pain meds and had to space my meds out too much today. Needless to say, I am uncomfortable. Todd has to go to a client site all day tomorrow. I am starting to have anxiety already. I feel like I can't take too much more. Between two sick kids and feeling horrible myself, I want to just give up. Nathanael is going to be up at the hospital by himself tonight and most of tomorrow. That's just not right.
Ok, gotta do something else, other than complain....


Saturday, April 4, 2009

Little Challenges

We got a call early this morning. They were transferring Nathanael to Cardinal Glennon with SVT, two runs, lasting 30 secs and 10 secs. They were able to bring him out of it by pushing his knees to his chest. This morning they heard a heart murmur, which is new for him. They decided that even though all his tests were normal that they should transfer him, just to be safe.
At Glennon they did an echocardiogram and found two holes in his heart, called PFO and SVD. The first usually closes up within the first week of birth. They think his just may be delayed. The second can also close on it's own, but sometimes takes up to a year.
He had another run of SVT, this time lasting 2 mins. Todd and I were present and man, it scared me, a whole lot!!! Once they got the heart rate down, it dropped. Freaked me out. The cardiologist said that sometimes the second hole can cause these accelerations. They are starting him of digoxin. They said he will go home on it :(.
I went home to get the kids around 4ish. Todd called a while later to tell me that Nathanael had a run of bradycardia. They were also able to snap him out of it quickly. They put him back on caffeine, which they had stopped upon admission.
So, even though he has a lot going on the docs said that he is stable and doing fine. They are most concerned that he is not tolerating his feedings. Todd just called to tell me that he has tolerated his last two feedings, which is huge, because he hasn't digested any breast milk in days.
Todd is spending the night. The kids and I are all snuggled into bed about to turn out the lights. I count my blessings that although he has had an eventful day, things are stable. I just think of how many issues he would have if we had delivered at 26 weeks, when this all started.
So, I will thank God for being so great and try to get a good night sleep, knowing that He is taking care of everything!


Friday, April 3, 2009

On The Mend

Everyday brings strength and less pain:):). Hooray! I must admit, I am getting a little tired of being in pain. I have been able to take less medication each day and have been able to move around a bit better so, I am hopeful it will end one day soon!
I had an absolutely fabulous day at home:). The kids and I all slept together in my bed. There is nothing better than rolling over in the middle of the night to see one of your kiddos just inches from your face. We slept in, painted finger and toe nails, got out the Easter stuff from last year...etc, etc... just plain, family fun stuff. I had a really long nap, which felt great. We all got ready and headed out to the hospital. Nathanael is doing well. They moved him into an isolette bed, which is where they go when they are more stable. He is still on c-pap, but they were able to turn it down a little. He also managed to keep some of his feedings down. I got a nice long visit, with another great surprise. They lifted the RSV restrictions on visits and Lily was able to go in and see Nathanael!!!!! She was super excited. I was so thrilled for her. Todd took her in and he said she was on cloud nine!! What a great surprise! The kids and I made up little pictures for Nathanael's bed. His little space is very homey now. I can't wait for him to come home.
So, I am going to get ready for bed. Alex fell asleep on the way home, so I think it's just going to be Lily joining me in bed tonight:). I am going to spoil them rotten and I don't care!!!
Life is good. God is so gracious:).


Thursday, April 2, 2009

Home, Home, on the Range...

I am not sure when I have seen light in my kids eyes like I did, yesterday, as we left the hospital, hand in hand. They were telling everyone they passed in the hall that "my mama is coming home". We had dinner together, all went to Lily's t-ball practice and I was able to tuck them in bed:). What a wonderful feeling!!!
Being home isn't all fun (yet). I had to crawl up the stairs, with help, in order to tuck the kids in. I can't get into the durango or climb the two steps coming into the house. I had an episode of chills with shakes late last night. I was really worried that I was going to have to back to the hospital. I shook til I fell asleep. I woke this morning in incredible pain. I started thinking I left the hospital too early. Once my pain meds kicked in, all was well again.
Back to the positive things.... Nathanael is doing about the same. He is still on the c-pap and having trouble with his feedings. But he is holding strong. And he's darn cute!!!
Today, the kids went to school. Alex had a hard time leaving me. He looked scared, like I wasn't going to be here when he returned. I promised him I would be here when he got home from school. Jessie is going to take me up to the hospital around 12ish. I will get a good visit in and be home in time for the kids.
I realized today that this part of the journey is going to be tougher than I thought. I want to feel normal, so badly. And I miss Nathanael more than I ever imagined. But life is good and so is God, so we will make it through it:).


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My Last Days!

According to my dr, I may actually be able to go home tomorrow:).
Nathanael is just about as cute as they get. He looks like a little duckie:). Love him!!! He is doing well again today. He is still on the c-pap machine. He is no longer under the fancy spot lights:). He isn't, however, tolerating the feedings again today so they are on hold. Well, at least it will give me time to save some milk for times when I cannot be here.
It is starting to hit me that he is not coming home with me and it sucks! I just hope the time passes quickly for him. I can't wait to get home and start setting up his bed, etc. I am so excited about going home and yet full of guilt with having to leave Nathanael here.
I have been getting around pretty good today. I hope my re-coop time is quick so I can get back into the swing of things. I am thinking about maybe a water aerobics class?? It's gonna take a looooong time to get this babe back in shape!!
Well, I have to get some sleep. Til tomorrow...