A Quiet Moment

I just got in from staying at the hospital all night and everyone is still asleep. I know it won't last long but I can hear the birds singing and feel the cool morning breeze coming in the window. There is no TV on! Oh...I think I heard a toilet flush, LOL!
Anyway, it's so hard to catch up when I miss a day. I will attempt to fill in the blanks from yesterday....
Alex is still sick. He still has a fever. I took him to the drs and he said he just has a cold. If the fever jumps back up or doesn't stop to call him back as he may put Alex on antibiotics. Alex has been so sick that he has been putting himself down for a nap. That's very out of character for him. Poor baby. I hate feeling sick and he can only have so much medication.
Nathanael is doing well. He is waking and rooting about every 3 hours. Sometimes he doesn't wake up and they give him the tube feeding. But overall he is doing well with his feedings. He is now at 47cc every three hours"). And I got to breast feed him a couple days ago. It was great. I went up last night at midnight to see him. I feed him his 12 o'clock bottle but then slept through the next two. I was so tired, I just couldn't wake to feed him. Kinda sad. He deserves better than that. So, I am dealing with some guilt about that. And the nurses probably think, what kind of mother am I?
Lily and I went on a field trip to the zoo yesterday. It was so nice to go out somewhere fun, just my little girl and me:). It's been a while. We took our time, just walking around and riding the train. I didn't want to go home but we both got very tired. I am sore today but it is all worth it!!
Todd and I, well, let's just say, things have been better!
While at the dentist office on Wed, the dental assistant told me that she had a hysterectomy with her last child, as she had a placenta previa and an accreta. Good thing the chair had arms, otherwise I might have fallen on the floor. She said, she hemorraged, was in a coma and ICU for 4 days. She almost died. Then she woke and had no idea what had happened or where her baby was. The nurses said that they lied the baby on her everyday but she didn't remember a thing. When I got to the car I started crying. I think now that it is over, I have been thinking a lot more about what the outcome could've been.
I think about dying more now than I ever have. I worry about crashing my car, etc, all the time. I think about how the kids would be if I wasn't here right now and who would be taking care of Nathanael. It makes me cry everytime.
On a good note, lol...I have found a home remedy for the dry socket. I bought a Rec Cross Toothache Kit at Walgreen's, after I read about it online. It has all the same items the dentist uses when I go to see him. So, no more trips to the dentist. The best part (besides the pain relief) is that I will save myself an hour everyday, not having to go to the dentist!!
Well, I can hear people moving around upstairs. I guess I better get a move on here.....

Kelly